


My Own Worst Enemy

by Harukawa



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Basically Shintaro hating himself what else is new, M/M, Non-Consensual Elements, Self-cest, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-18 18:44:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1438867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harukawa/pseuds/Harukawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn't say he looked in the mirror often, and he was sure he looked at least a little different now than he had the last time he’d really cared about his appearance, but…  Whoever that was looking back at him from inside the mirror, it wasn't his reflection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Own Worst Enemy

**Author's Note:**

> We have two Shintaros, why are they never getting it on.
> 
> Cross-posted to my Tumblr: [harooks](http://harooks.tumblr.com/)

Things were finally looking up for Shintaro.  He had friends now; real, genuine friends.  He was slowly getting used to leaving the house again, despite the protests he put up every time someone dragged him outside.  For the first time in years he felt… almost  _happy_ .  

"Master!  Master!  Get up, Master!"  Ene’s shrill voice cut through Shintaro’s dreams, slowly rousing him from his slumber.  He mumbled something indistinct in response, simply rolling over and pulling his covers up over his head.  Ene retaliated by playing the sound file for a warning alarm, gradually increasing the volume until Shintaro finally rolled out of bed.

"Shut  _up_ already!” Shintaro complained, throwing a dirty look Ene’s way.  The cyber girl only giggled in response, turning off the alarm.  ”Would it  _kill_ you to let me sleep in?” Shintaro continued to grumble, muttering complaints and insults under his breath.

"It’s nearly noon, Master!" Ene pointed out, frowning at him.  "You  _did_ sleep in.  We’re supposed to go out today, remember?”

Right.  He’d forgotten about that.  Something about going out to an amusement park?  He sighed, grabbing a shirt off the floor and pulling it on.  ”Alright, alright.  …Give me a minute.”  He stumbled towards the wall where his red jacket was hanging up, briefly glancing at himself in the mirror that was mounted on the wall nearby. 

He froze, one arm outstretched and gripping his jacket.  He couldn’t say he looked in the mirror often, and he was sure he looked at least a little different now than he had the last time he’d really cared about his appearance, but…  Whoever that was looking back at him from inside the mirror, it wasn't his reflection.

"Master..?"  He didn't even register Ene’s voice as she called out to him, simply staring at the other version of himself.  The Shintaro in the mirror stared back, his eyes lifeless and void of any semblance of kindness.  The reflection seemed annoyed, angry even.

"So you’re just going to forget?"  A harsh, bitter voice reached his ears, his ‘reflection’ still staring right at him.  "You’re just running away, you know.  Going out, being with those people you call ‘friends’.  It won’t change anything.  …You’re still as pathetic as ever."

“ _ **Master!**_ " Ene’s voice finally snapped him out of the daze he was in, causing him to finally grab his jacket and stumble a few steps back.  He kept glancing at the mirror, though he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary any longer.  Maybe he’d just imagined it..?  "Master!  Come on already!  You keep spacing out, it’s time to go!  Come on, let’s get moving!"

"I—  Yeah…  Okay."  Shintaro shook his head in an attempt to clear it, grabbing his phone and finally heading out the door.  He took one last glance at his mirror on the way out, two piercing eyes meeting his own just before the door shut behind him.

He couldn't concentrate all day, simply letting himself get dragged around by the other Dan members while his mind remained on the other him.  Had he just hallucinated the whole thing?  Was there actually anything there?  The thoughts kept eating away at him until he eventually excused himself under the pretence that he was feeling sick; it wasn't far from the truth.

"Masterrrrrr!"  Ene was fuming now, yelling at him the entire way home.  "I wanted to play with everyone some more!  You aren't even sick, are you?!  You just wanted to go home!"  Shintaro never said anything in response to her, and she eventually quieted down, wondering if maybe there really  _was_ something wrong with him.  He didn't take his phone into his room when he finally made it home, simply leaving it near the door and telling Ene to just leave him be for a while.  She didn't have time to protest before he slammed his door closed behind him. 

He made his way back to the mirror immediately, staring intently into it again, the look on his face somewhere between terror and confusion.  His other self was looking back at him, giving him a disgusted look.  ”You came running back already?  Thought you were gonna go hang out with those precious  _friends_ of yours.”

"…What  _are_ you?” Shintaro finally asked, glaring at the thing in the mirror.  ”You look like me, you talk like you know me…”

"I  _am_ you.” the reflection answered, glaring at him.  ”And I know everything.”  Shintaro swallowed hard, shaking his head slightly.  His other self’s glare only intensified as he continued.  ”Don’t tell me you've  _forgotten_.  About what  _you_ let happen?”

"…Shut up." Shintaro mumbled, raising his hands to grip the sides of the mirror now.  "Just… stop talking."

The reflection gave a bitter laugh in response.  ”…Did you really think you could make it go away?  Do you think you can just shut me out?  I’m not going to let you forget, I’m not going to let you move on.  You don’t deserve it!  You don’t deserve—” 

"I said  _ **shut** **up!**_ "  The reflection’s rant was cut short by Shintaro, who drew and arm back and shot his fist forward, smashing through the mirror and effectively shattering it.  He stood there for several moments, breathing heavily and continuing to glare at the remnants of his mirror.  He eventually pulled his fist back out, blood dripping onto the floor from the numerous cuts he’d inflicted upon himself.

"…Do you feel better now?" a voice behind him spoke, malevolent and taunting.  He whirled around, eyes widening in disbelief as he found himself face-to-face with his other self.  His reflection offered a grim smile, taking a step towards him.

"Y-You—?!"  Shintaro attempted to back away from him, cutting his bare feet on broken glass and stumbling over himself, falling to the floor and crying out in pain when even more glass shards embedded themselves in his skin. 

"I should thank you…" his reflection mumbled, still moving towards him.  "You let me out, after all.  But…  Two of us is a little much, don’t you think?"  He darted forward, crouching down to grab Shintaro by the front of his shirt and slamming his head back against the wall.  Shintaro managed another pained noise, black spots dancing across his vision as he struggled to recover from the blow.  He didn't get the chance, two hands wrapping themselves around his neck a moment later.

“ _I_ didn't get to move on.  No one stopped to help  _me_.”  The hands around his throat tightened with every word the reflection spoke, Shintaro clawing at them and desperately struggling for every scrap of air he could manage.  ”No.   _I_ got to deal with  _him_.”  Shintaro couldn't breathe at all now, his attempts at pushing the reflection off of him growing weaker and weaker as his life slowly dwindled.  

“ _I_ got stuck with  _Kuroha!_   While  _you’re_ out running around with your little friends!”  He finally removed his hands from Shintaro’s neck, slamming the boy’s head against the wall one last time before he could manage to take in a breath.  ”How is that  ** _fair?!_** ”

Shintaro was greedily sucking in air now, tears streaming down his face as he pathetically attempted to get away from his other self.  His reflection only grabbed hold of his shirt again, dragging him closer.  ”It’s not fair. _It’s not_ _fair_ _!_   ** _It’s not_ _fair!_** "  He threw Shintaro down now, reaching into the pocket of his hoodie and producing a pair of scissors before climbing on top of his victim, straddling Shintaro’s waist and preventing him from getting away.

He flipped the scissors open, holding the blade up to Shintaro’s throat and laughing.  ”P-Please…” Shintaro managed, his voice hoarse and raw, pain shooting through his tortured throat with every word he spoke and every ragged breath he managed to take in.  ”I-I didn't…  I haven’t…”

"You didn’t do anything?" his other self asked, removing the scissors from his neck.  He brought them up to Shintaro’s face instead, dragging the blade along his cheek and leaving a shallow gash.  "You don’t deserve this?"  He repeated the motion, deepening the cut, blood now freely flowing from the wound.  He raised the scissors to his mouth now, licking the blood off the blade as he looked down at Shintaro.

"…You know, maybe Kuroha wasn’t so far off the mark when he said I was just like him.  Having someone so completely useless, someone so absolutely pitiful trapped beneath you and completely powerless to stop you...  It's _empowering_."  He smirked, leaning down and kissing Shintaro, the other boy far too confused and overwhelmed to put up much of a resistance.  The taste of his own blood entered his mouth as his other self’s tongue invaded, the salty taste of his tears mixing with it to create what he was sure was the taste of misery.  His other self pulled back after he’d had his fill, looking down at the pathetic mess of a boy beneath him.

"No…  If I couldn't have my happiness, I'm not letting you have yours."  He shoved up Shintaro’s shirt now, exposing his stomach and lightly tracing the blade of his scissors along the skin in patterns, obviously enjoying the way Shintaro whined every time he pressed down with the weapon.  "…That doesn't mean I can’t still have some fun with you though, right?"  He laughed, jabbing the scissors into Shintaro’s side now, his laugh only growing louder when his victim screamed.  He twisted the blade once, twice, finally pulling it back out and licking the blood off once more.

He leaned down to kiss Shintaro again, the boy whimpering and crying and begging him to please,  _please stop_ _this already_.  His only response was to stab him again, kissing him and hurting him over and over again until the only thing Shintaro could taste was blood.  Until his throat was so torn apart that he couldn't even scream anymore.  Until the only thing he could feel was pain, and all he had left to cling to was the hope that he would just let himself die.


End file.
